Even though you may feel that your teen’s peers have more influence on him than you do, studies confirm that when it comes to moral values and important issues, parents still have a greater affect. However, no one refutes the fact that the influence of other children and friends is paramount in teens’ lives. In fact, even if they mean your son or daughter wants to spend a lot less time with the family, good relationships with same-sex friends are a positive aspect of your child’s life: They help your child feel like he belongs and reaffirm his decisions. 

When Friendships Turn Into Cliques

Sometimes, peer influence can turn sour. Especially among girls, cliques are a way of life, as are “mean” girls—and the teen years comprise the thick of it. When the cliques are all about who has more money or better clothes, and when they start influencing your child in a negative way, your teen may feel ostracized and terribly uncomfortable. Such unfair behaviors add pressure to an already stressful time, sometimes causing teens to make risky or unwise decisions about their own behavior.

Keeping Peer Influences Positive

The key to keeping your teenager on track is to remain actively involved in his life and to convey your values often.  Here’s how:

• Get to know your child’s friends, have them over to your house, talk to them and get to know their parents. This is more difficult when your child is driving himself around—but if you make a point of it, it will happen.
• If your child has friends that he refuses to bring home ask him why. Encourage the relationships with kids you think influence your child in a positive way and discourage the others.
• Try to limit your child’s contact with friends you believe are involved in unacceptable behaviors such as drinking, drugs or skipping school. If you find your child has friends like this, it may be best not to say that he can’t see them at all—he may really balk at the idea that you are picking his friends—but it is a better move to invite them to your home where they can be well supervised.
• Encourage hobbies, sports and after-school clubs, at which your teen may interact with other kids with similar interests and values.

All in all you should be sensitive to your child’s need to conform and feel like part of a group. This stage doesn’t last forever: As your child grows in maturity and confidence, he will find where he fits into the world and won’t necessarily have to run with a crowd.

Related Features:

• Your Child: Age-by-Age

• School Pressure on Teens

• Talking About Smoking, Drugs, and Alcohol with Teens