A bully was picking on my son, and it got so bad that we decided to move him to another school.  Is there anything I can do to help my child so he will be less likely to be bullied?

- Peggy B., from Long Island, New York

 If your child is being bullied, it means that his peers are hurting him (emotionally, physically or verbally) intentionally. The two biggest mistakes parents make are not taking their child’s complaints seriously and telling him to “toughen up,” and allowing bullying to continue. There is no excuse for bullying behavior, and each and every one of us need to be on the same page to stop it. Here are a few behavior makeover tips to help your child be less likely to be targeted by bullies.

Take your child seriously

Bullying is not teasing (that can happen amongst friends and your child is on equal plan” with the teaser). Bullying is frightening and humiliating at any age, so listen to your child. Reassure your child that you believe him and will find a way to keep him safe.

Gather facts

Next, you need all the facts so you can help your kid create a plan to stop it. Ask questions like:

• “What happened?”
• “Who did this?”
• “Where were you?”
• “Who was there?” “Were you alone?”
• “Has it happened before?” “How often?”
• “How does it start?”
• “What did you do?”
• “Do you think he’ll do it again?”
• “Did anyone help you?”
• “Did an adult see this?”

Make an action plan

Most kids can’t handle bullying on their own: they need your help. Depending on your child’s age and the bullying situation, here are a few tips to consider:

• Bullying usually happens in unsupervised areas so tell your kid to be near others at lunch, recess, in hallways, near lockers, parks, or other areas.
• Tell your child there’s safety in numbers, so help him find one supportive companion.
• Emphasize that sometimes the best thing to do is leave the scene or walk towards an adult, crowd or older kids.
• Identify a trusting adult who can help your child when you’re not around. They must take this seriously, protect your child, and, if necessary, keep this role as protector confidential.

Teach confident body language

Research finds that kids who learn how to be assertive and appear more confident are less likely to be targeted by bullies. Teach your child to stand tall, holding his head high, to look more confident and less afraid. Tell your child to use a stone-faced glare or try a mean stare that looks straight through the bully.  If your child needs to respond, he should use a strong, firm voice and say a short, direct message: “No.” “Nope.” “Cut it out.” “Leave me alone.” “No way.” Crying, whining, insulting, or threatening only makes things worse. Bullies love knowing they can push kid’s buttons.

Boost self-confidence

Being bullied dramatically affects your child’s self-esteem, so find ways, such as a hobby, sport or talent that your child enjoys and can excel at, to boost her confidence. Then help her develop the skill so her self-esteem grows.

Step in when needed

If there’s ever the possibility your child could be injured, step in. Talk to a teacher, supervisor or parent.

You can find more behavior makeover tips in my book, No More Misbehavin’ or on my website: www.micheleborba.com. Whatever you try, remember to consistently use the method until you do get the change you want.