A few things parents must know include, she adds: “Most girls are obsessed with their looks. If they aren’t, they’ve found another way to express themselves through a talent or skill that builds self-esteem. Girls need constant reassurance that they fit in and look good.” Wiseman urges parents to understand this reality that girls need to deal with everyday, but at the same time to encourage ways that challenge the system. And keep in mind: “Girls know they’re being manipulated by the media to hold themselves to an impossible standard of beauty, but that doesn’t stop them from holding themselves to it anyway.”

To help, try expanding the definition of beauty beyond what is in the teen magazines, which for many act as a type of guidebook on how to fit in. Go through the magazines or television shows and ask questions about what’s being portrayed. Make sure some of the questions touch on race and class issues where appropriate. Read magazines such as “New Moon: The Magazine for Girls and Their Dreams.”. The May/June 2006 issue, for example, has a series of articles where girls define beauty.

Here are some samples of what they said:

• “Personal confidence makes a person beautiful on the outside and in.” Zinnia, Age 9, Washington
• “It doesn’t matter what other people think about you. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll be confident, beautiful.” Sara Doyle, Age 13, Massachusetts
• “Helping other people and sharing with friends makes someone beautiful.” Kennedy Jet Kulish, Age 9, Pennsylvania

Also, evaluate your own feelings when it comes to weight and beauty, to understand what message you’re giving your daughter. Get more information about this in Encouraging a Healthy Body Image.