Teaching the Virtues: Forgiveness
Forgiveness in Children
By Mary Dixon LeBeau
In this article:
My daughter Libby, 6, plays with her best friend every day – and fights with her just as often. Sometimes she’s right, sometimes her friend is, but it never seems to matter. Often they part unhappy with each other, and always they want to play with each other the very next day. No grudges, no residual anger, not even an acknowledgement of the past disagreement.
When I observe them, I feel in agreement with the experts who say that children don’t need to be taught forgiveness. Forgiving and forgetting seems almost second nature.
“Children have a natural ability to forgive because their tendency is to live in the present moment,” agrees Laurie A. Gray, JD, of Socratic Parenting LLC .
But – as with many things – adults come along and mess up this almost perfect system. As Gray says, “We teach them to keep score, to compare themselves to others and to worry about the future. We hold onto grudges and remind them of past wrongs and hurts.”
Because adult society models such behavior for our children – and even, at times, we’ll hold grudges for them – it does become necessary to teach our children about forgiveness – what it is, what it isn’t, and why it is an important tool to be utilized – often -- as they grow into adulthood.
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