Q: My oldest daughter is 8 and she has friends who are already wearing make-up, such as eye shadow and lip-gloss. I also know that there are some stores that target little girls to have parties where they dress up
as princesses, get their hair done, and wear glitter and make-up.

I don't feel that it is appropriate for girls to be wearing make-up at such a young age -- I had to wait until I was in high school to wear it. Am I being unreasonable, or do you think that this make-up trend with
little girls sends the wrong message?

A: As the mom of two daughters, I share your concern – and I also remember the days when I had to wait until high school before using a touch of blush and lip gloss. It seems to me society at large is sending the wrong message to our young girls, as personified for our ‘tweens by Britney Spears in an unbuttoned Catholic school uniform and for out tots by the pretty princesses who wait on Prince Charming, their self esteem teetering on his arrival. We seem to be telling our little girls they’re only as good as they look, and they’re never good enough on their own. They need some cosmetic enhancement to be worthwhile, and the ultimate goal of life is to snag a man (preferably royalty!).

Of course, others disagree – including my own girls, who think applying make-up and giving each other mini-manicures is just a fun way to spend an afternoon. And, according to experts, there’s nothing wrong with that. “It’s human nature to be attracted to sparkly things,” says Debra Gano, author of Beauty’s Secret, the first in a series of books promoting self-esteem in tween girls. She compares a girl’s attraction to rhinestones, jewelry, and sequins to a boy’s desire for shiny red cars.

“It’s that little bit of magic we can add to our daily life. So it’s no wonder a five or six year old girl would have a great fascination with the sparkles that come in today’s lip glosses, nail polishes, and body glitter that’s being marketed to girls. And I have no issue with young girls indulging in these items for fun,” she says.

But the key word there is fun. Little girls have played “dress up” for decades, donning their mother’s fanciest hats, lacy gowns and high heels while serving tea to their teddy bears. And imaginative rituals such as this are exactly what childhood should be about. “(Dress up) can be a wonderful thing, because it relies on the girls’ imagination to create the game,” says Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of I Just Want My Kids to Be Happy: Why You Shouldn’t Say It, Why You Shouldn’t Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead. “It’s spontaneous, unstructured, creative – the true definition of play.”

“That’s the time for girls to apply all the cosmetics they desire,” says Cooper. “Children at play are always experimenting with aspects of the world as they pretend, which is one of the most important benefits of true play.”