Chat and instant message (IM) are very popular with older kids, so you'll want to brace yourself for the day when your little one wants to play there. Perhaps you'll want to condone only chat rooms at kid-friendly sites (such as Mamamedia.com) that are chaperoned. And you'll have to help your child understand how much information she is giving away about herself when she sets up a profile and chooses her away message. Kids can be way too explicit. My 12-year-old niece called herself something like "greatchic" because it sounded hip to her and her girlfriends, but it attracted unwanted attention online. We fixed this by setting up an "allow list" in MSN Messenger (choose Tools/Options/Privacy) so that only those people she chose could see her online status or send messages. Don't assume that even an older child knows about this stuff. Talk to your kids about it.

There is some controversy about using "spy" software like NetNanny or Cybersitter to watch where kids go online, but I suspect that's the result of a misunderstanding. Most kids begin riding a bike with training wheels. I think of these software tools as training wheels for the Internet. I know my kids are adorable and innocent and I trust them, but in a world where spelling Barbie incorrectly takes you to hard-core porn, a search on the weather can take you to a Nazi hate site, or searching for toys can lead you to a site that specializes in sex toys, training wheels are a good idea. (Using the Internet at libraries is a different matter, but young children are not usually unsupervised in the library.)

As children get older and are more able to handle this stuff themselves, you'll need to change the settings or remove the software to reflect their abilities. When they are teens you might want to simply be able to see what they have been up to (in case they are into something that's over their heads) and limit the amount of time they can spend online so they don't stay up all night gaming. It's not spying; it's supervision.

As with most things in the world of parenting, it's important to strike the right note when dealing with Internet safety. I put training wheels on my kids' bikes to help them learn, get confident, and prevent injury. The goal is to eventually take the training wheels off. I did not say, "I'm secretly putting these training wheels on this very dangerous bike because you are a bad kid and you'll fall over if I don't." So explain to your child that you've installed this software to help her learn without getting hurt and ask her frequently if it's getting in her way. (At some point you might want your child to be able to go online for information about sexual health or other subjects you might hide from a younger child.)

There has been a lot of hysteria on the subject of kids going online, but don't let it stop you and your kids from participating in this tremendous resource. The Internet isn't bad; it's complex—just like the world it reflects—and your kids absolutely need help negotiating it.