Haines suggests thinking twice before even asking the question. Ask yourself first why you want to hear the answer. If it's because you're hoping for a particular outcome, stop. "Children's sense of time is so different from ours," explains Dunsmore. "That 'when you grow up' feels like centuries away to them. They can't answer realistically." She offers, though, that kids usually enjoy knowing more about what you do for a living. If you want them to consider their future, take them to work, talk about your work, and expose them to other career choices: point out that the doctor is at work, introduce her to firefighters, read books on astronauts and presidents.

If you just can't help asking the question and don't mind if the answer is inappropriate (space alien, pirate, lion tamer), "think about asking the question in a way that has a face-saving out for the child," suggests Haines. "Such as, 'do you ever think about what you want to be when you grow up?'"

I tried this question on my son. Instead of snapping at me, he happily shot back, "Nope. Never think about it." When I asked him if he hated that question he told me no, he didn't mind. "I just don't want to think about growing up, Mom."

Good point. I don't want to think about him growing up either. Maybe I just ask the question for the same reason people whistle when they pass a graveyard. I think I'll stick to "Do you want to go to the playground?" for at least a few more years.