Here are more parenting mistakes, commonly made -- yes, even by us!

• The “Your Brother Was Always So…” Complex: Comparing siblings is always a serious mistake -- take it from one who knows. I grew up hearing I was the smart one and my younger sister the pretty one.  I always heard I was the ugly one, while, as an adult, my sister admitted thinking she was dumb because of my parents’ ill-phrased comparison. “Comparing is a big no-no,” says Dr. LeslieBeth Wish . “Within the same family, siblings are most often different from each other, due to a mix of genetics, birth order, family phase, and events.” Your children want to feel unconditional love from you, so remind yourself of each one’s unique and amazing qualities – and skip the comparisons.

• Being TOO Helpful: Remember Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up? Well, there are some little boys and girls who do want to grow up – but their parents refuse to let them.

Leadership coach Michelle Kunz remembers one such instance. “I was with my nine year old at his annual physical, and the pediatrician asked him about his diet. I was the one who answered!  After about three of these Q&A’s the doctor, finally, and kindly, but firmly instructed me to allow my son to  be capable – to let him handle the things a nine year old is capable of handling, including his own worries, friend issues, and answering questions that other people ask him. Wow, that was a real wake-up call!”

Kunz points out that, by being too helpful, we send a lifelong message to our children that they are not capable. “We are now working to hand these appropriate levels of responsibility back to our son, where they belong,” Kunz says.  “We simply tell him we have every confidence that he will work it out. We plant the seeds of confidence and capability and leave him to work things out on his own.  And you know what? He does.”

• Forgetting To Think Of Ourselves, Too: Picture this: you’re exhausted and overwhelmed because you’ve taken care of everything and everybody at home – well, everybody except yourself, of course. And then your child decides to misbehave – in the middle of the grocery store.  Frantically, you whisper pleas, then threats, which evolve into bribes.

“When we don’t take of ourselves first, we become dependent on our kids,” says Kirk Martin of Calm Classrooms.  “Here’s what we’re really saying in that moment: “I am so tired and I cannot deal with a tantrum right now, so I need you to behave. Because if you can’t control yourself right now, I’m not sure I can control myself.” We have now given power over our emotions to a child.” So keep in control by taking care of yourself, and making sure you get the down time you need to stay rested and stress-free (well, as stress-free as possible when you have a child).

* Breaking, Not Bending: Sure, rules and consequences need to be consistent (you knew that one, right?).  But they also have to bend and adjust, especially as the child matures (in age or in attitude). “Know your child,” says Dr. Wish.  “For example, one of my client mothers has three sons. Her oldest son hides out in his room and reads and writes music. Punishing him by sending him to his room is a gift—not a punishment.  And disallowing him to come with you to Grandma’s to swim in her pool with all the other cousins is also a gift. Yet, somehow, the mother did not take his unique qualities into consideration when she sent her son to his room for being snappy with his next oldest sibling,” he notes.

A better way to teach this child good behavior would have been to require her son to help his brother with a project, Wish points out. “The older son learned patience and social skills and also boosted his self-esteem.  Spontaneously, the older son offered to help again.” A happy ending – with minimal bending.

• The Narcissus Simplex: Is your son the next Michael Phelps?  Is your daughter a whiz at quiz bowl?  Is your baby destined for “American Idol”?  Get this through your head: It isn’t about you.

“Remember, it isn't about you,” says Dion McInnis, author of God You’re Beautiful: What We Say, We Say To God. “Neither the successes nor the failures of your children can, or should, be something that the parent holds full title to.” 

“As parents, we can guide, nurture, teach, mentor, discipline ,and reward.  But unless a parent is raising a robot, there can be no "programming." Freedom will always rears its head, and that is a beautiful thing,” McInnis adds. “When children do exceedingly well, it may be due, in part, to our genes, our support, or our counsel, but it is not BECAUSE of us. It is because of the children. When children struggle and fail, or trip and fall, it may be influenced by things parents didn't provide or didn't see in time, but it is not completely the fault of the parent, either. Parents must be responsible, loving, caring, appropriately protective, and reasonable with discipline, and after that it is out of the parents' hands.”

Related Features:

• Top 10 Things Not to Say to Your Child
• Top 10 Growing Up Tips