Too much praise is just as damaging as too little praise. Positive reinforcement is a strong motivator, but only when it’s used correctly. Praise good efforts, and don’t dwell on the bad. If you trill over every little thing your child does or says, they will get upset when they don’t win a contest or race, or feel panicky when they have not produced a flawless painting, report, or test grade. Teaching to the test, or tying every effort to a grade will very likely produce children who base their sense of self-worth on achievement alone. They will want to win—at the expense of learning, and might even refuse to participate in any activities that could produce less than perfect scores or results. 

Confident kids make the best learners, and the best learners are more willing to take chances, mix things up, and keep trying and learning from their mistakes. Develop a sense of humor and resiliency about accidents, setbacks, and mistakes. And don’t forget—sometimes it’s easier to use a pencil when you’re learning, and not a pen.

Try This At Home:  Read about all the inventions that were discovered by accident in Charlotte Foltz Jones’ book, Mistakes That Worked, from rubber to Silly Putty and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Then deliberately try something you’re both not good at—and celebrate the efforts you make anyway. Be specific, but not critical, about what did and did not work. You can say, “Okay, so we really should not have used so much glue with the model, but I like the colorful way you painted it.”